ahh, being an adult. living life in the wide open with no where but up. (only because you're already at the bottom.
I have been going through all of the writings i had in my google documents. ew. some of them were things that didn't matter, some of them were things i was really happy that i still had and some of them were just the angry shadows of a life far past where i am now. i also found half of the stories i wrote for creative writing in high school. it was really interesting to go through and read all of those.
Boyfriend and i hung out last night. he was very quiet and distant which made me sad. i really wanted to help but i had the feeling that there was nothing i could do to make anything better so i didn't ask.
he's been going through some crap with school to the point where they didn't let him enroll in any classes. so he isn't gonna go to school anymore cause he will have lost his financial aid by the time school starts back up again in the fall. so he's planning on going back over to Europe this summer. I'm battling with being really excited for him and really loathing Europe for being cool and beautiful at all. sigh. it will all work out in the end.
just got all my tax stuff from my last job and my current job. still waiting for someone to get back to be from the theatre. knowing that place, it'll be quite a while.
my roommate and i are planning on getting a house with her brother and maybe another friend here in march or may, depending on finances of course. I'm not so sure about it though. i may tell her that i want to stay at my apartment and just come visit them all the time. i am so missing having my own place. it really was nice to know exactly where i placed everything. and even though i enjoy washing dishes, i don't enjoy doing every dish we own every three days. especially when I'm at work for the majority of those three days and never lay a finger to muss up those dishes. sigh. yes, i have some issues. I'm trying to work on that.
i have done nothing artistic in days. it drives me crazy to know that i have these abilities and not enough time in the days or weeks to do anything about it. its funny though because all of the good ideas that come to me, come to me during my commute to or from work (which from beginning to end, depending on stoplights and traffic, ends up being from 30 to 45 minutes). so when i get to work, there really isn't anything i can do about wanting to draw or write. I'm there to work! and when i get home i have countless other things i need to do, which brings me back to living alone again... i long for it. i miss making my own plans and coming home to a less grumpy than normal cat and even though i really never had any food in the house, i always was happy. i always had time to paint. now, i can only paint from 1p to 3p or from 9p to whenever i go to sleep because the baby likes to get into my stuff and there isn't any room on the kitchen table (even if there was, it wouldn't stop Aaron from climbing a chair and getting his little baby fingers all over the place) and no room anywhere else. I've always preferred painting in the living room anyway. ask my mother. paint on the rug and paint on the chairs and paint on all of my clothes, always. it was almost a guarantee.
i miss those days.
nowhere but up from here...
good luck with the climb
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